I Heard a Man Sing
by ACeH-aH
Summary: Spike returns to Sunnydale with his newly attained soul. What will Buffy say when she sees him? What will the others have to say about his and Buffy's relationship, and that little happening before his leave? Spuffy. Season 7 apocalypse: The First Evil.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I only "own" the idea for this fanfiction, the rest to Joss Whedon and the other creators and such for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.**

**Summary: Spike returns to Sunnydale with his newly attained soul. What will Buffy say when she sees him? What will the others have to say about his and Buffy's relationship, and that little happening before his leave? Spuffy. Season 7 apocalypse: The First Evil. But this time, things go a little differently.**

**Read and Review please.**

Chapter One

"Can we rest now Buffy? Can we rest?" Spike lies himself across the crucifix in the church, ignoring the burning in his flesh and the smoke wafting off of him as the Holy Ghost tries to shove him away. _He doesn't want me; I know it, not good enough, evil._

. "Your soul…" Buffy stares at him in horror, he'd gone to get his soul. For _her_. Because of what he'd done to her?

. Spike whimpers and slides to the floor, still resting against the thick glass of the cross. He ignores the pain, knowing that he deserves it, deserves it more than anyone – any_thing_ – else in the world. Or any other for that matter. All those people he killed. And worse. The girl he hurt. _I hurt the girl… DON'T hurt the girl. _He whimpers again, and for the first time feels the scorched skin on his chest, arms, and face. Tears stain his cheeks, but disappear with the heat from the burns, leaving little trace.

. Eyes blurring with tears, Buffy finds that the site of the big bad – William the Bloody – crumpled on the floor like a broken man brings never felt pain up from inside of her. She rushed beside him, kneeling down and pulling him by the shoulders away form the symbol of his once religion. The god no longer saw him as his child, he knew that. Knew that he was worthless to even the almighty leader. Not that he'd been very religious for the past century. But with his soul newly intact, it just seems fit that he would torture himself more.

. "Spike stop, you're hurting yourself, stop." She manages to pull his limp body away, resting him against her. His head lolls to the side as he lets out a sob. Buffy pulls him into a more erect position, so that his back is again her and he is able to sit up. She pulls his head against her shoulder and he lets himself rest there. There were so many questions bubbling up to burst inside of her, _why would you do this, why would you hide from me_, but she holds her tongue. She's afraid of what he might do, afraid that he might try to end himself, after all the pain and guilt and… He turns his face into the crease where her neck meets her shoulder, and for a second she's nervous about what he's doing, though he only sniffles slightly and closes his eyes, tears soaking her skin.

. Soon though, Buffy finds that she can't hold back her own tears any more, and chokes back a sob as she clutches his tighter. "You shouldn't have left Spike," she cries, momentarily forgetting the reason he'd left in the first place.

. Flashbacks of that rueful night fill Spike's mind with painful memories. _"Spike stop! Spike!" Buffy is screaming at him, tears streaking her face and the most terrified expression he'd ever witnessed on her face. At the time though, he didn't realize her fear, didn't notice her pain as he tried to force her to love him. He has her pinned to the floor in her bathroom, bathrobe barely hanging on as he tries to pry it from her. _"Don't touch me!" He rips himself out of her arms, disgusted with himself, and bolts to the other side of the church. He puts an arm over his eyes, hiding from her. "I'm evil," he sobs.

. "I forgive you…" She finds herself whispering, barely audible to her own ears, but most clear to his demonic enhanced ones. He drops to the floor again, crying to the ceiling.

. "Don't." he says, "I don't deserve it. Never deserved you." He looks at her, big blue eyes conceded to his inner torment. She just stares at him, unable to find words, and completely and utterly shocked with herself.

. _I forgive him, _she thinks to herself. _For everything… _Startled with the sudden burst of emotion, she pulls her eyes up from where they've drifted to the floor and begs him silently. "Don't leave again." She asks in a small voice.

. "Please," he whispers, eyes closing. "Buffy I'm begging you." She doesn't understand what he's saying, not that she really had since his incredible return. Before she realizes what she's doing though, she finds her arms wrapping around him again, sitting on her knees in front of him. He lets his head find her shoulder again as he wraps his arms around her and shakes with a self-loathing weep. She strokes his hair, holding painfully tight, holding him like he was the only thing keeping her alive. And isn't it true though? When she'd first been brought back, he was the only one she could stand to be around. And he'd saved her time and time again, let her cry in his arms, let her _use _him. God, she understood his actions, as criminal as they were. She understood. Perhaps now they were even. All those times he'd tried to kill her versus what she'd put him through in the last year. Seeing him withered into a broken man, she could really see just how much damage she'd done. _Yes, now we're even._

. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his, feeling him for the first time a too long. He only holds her tighter.

XXXXXXXXXX

"She's been gone since last night," Xander made his point to the others, sitting in the living room as they ate their breakfast in front of the television. "Maybe she's hurt, that was a pretty nasty looking worm demon thing." No one pays his any attention as they watch a rerun of an old cartoon. "Seriously, she could be laying in an alley somewhere, waiting for us to rescue her."

. "Xander," Willow says through a mouthful of cereal. "Buffy's the slayer, she can handle one measly little demon. Besides, Spike was with her." She put another spoonful in her mouth, eyes not once leaving the animated mouse chasing the animated cat with an animated mallet.

. "And that's exactly my point." He says, with just as much point as the last time. "He cannot be trusted with her. He-" He's interrupted when the door opens, and everyone turns to see Buffy and Spike slam the front door shut. Spike is waving off the smoke that's collected from his already burnt self. "Oh, so I see Mr. Attempted Rape has decided to join us today." His expression shoots daggers at Spike, and then to Buffy in turn. _Now what exactly is going on?_

. "That's it," Spike yanks the door open, waiting for his sunny death to finally come.

. "Spike!" Buffy pulls him back aghast, and closes the door firmly. "Close the drapes guys." She says to the staring group collected in the living room before turning back to the wreck of a vampire before her. He is looking away, afraid to look at her. Flashbacks overcome him again, making him seethe in anger. _Buffy cries out in pain as Spike knocks her over, her head slamming against the hard porcelain of the bathtub, and then making an unhealthy sounding CRACK against the floor. He's on top of her in seconds, pinning her wrists down. "Spike please, stop it!" She moans through the pain at the back of her head._ She takes his arm, encouraging strokes against the burnt skin with the tips of her fingers and smiles reassuringly at him. He doesn't see though, he's seeing red against the far wall. Not daring to allow himself a glance at something so righteous and holy and _pure_. "Spike," She whispers, pulling him closer to her so that she can put her arm around him. She guides him into the living room and sits him down in the chair he'd once claimed for his own.

. "Alright Buffy what's going on? Are we letting a rapist join the gang now? Because I guess the whole murderer of a thousand people and two slayers just wasn't enough before." Xander looks at his friend disapprovingly.

. Buffy sits on the arm of Spike's chair, and strokes his hair to soothe his writhing. He tries again to bolt for the door, but she pulls him back to her effortlessly. "Xander, no more about Spike." She says, watching the vampire carefully. Xander is fuming, eyes squinted at her. "Willow, would you mind picking up some blood from the butcher?" She asks her friend in as sweet a voice as she can stir up.

. "He tried to _rape _you?" Willow bellows, finally noticing the non-joke part of the whole non-joke.

. Hearing the conversation for the first time – being too distracted by the animated dog who'd joined the fray to notice before – everyone turns their attention to Spike, wide eyed and furious. "He didn't." Dawn says in a voice that begs Spike to challenge her.

. Worried now, Buffy wraps a protective arm around Spike's throat, nearly choking him in her efforts to keep him seated. "We can talk later. Willow, I want you to pick up blood please, Xander I want you to shut the hell up before I make you." She looks around, waiting for any one to protest. Soon after, Willow marches out of the house with Xander hot on her tail.

. Spike can't pry his eyes off the death stare Dawn is giving him. Somehow, it hurts more than what the others had said. At that moment, he wishes that someone will just end it all – or better yet let him end it himself.

. Finally finding his head, he moans and turns his face to hide against the slayer. She resumes running her fingers through his gelled back would be curls. "I'm sorry," he whispers again her, trying to find her with his fingers, to take her hand. She grants him that and slides her free hand through his, letting him twine their fingers anxiously.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah Giles, she was _totally _snuggly with him." Willow says into the receiver of the phone at the Magic Box. "I mean, I've seen her be nice to Spike, but this was _way _intense."

. "But him on speaker!" Xander's voice begs, and Giles can picture the way he's bouncing with his hands together for the zillionth time since she's picked up the phone.

. Willow brushes him off annoyed. "Yeah, Xander said he raped her." She listens to the angry gasp on the other end.

. "He didn't rape her, she stopped him! He _attempted _to rape her! But him on speaker!" Xander audibly bounced again in his aggravation.

. "Willow, you're sure? I mean, I know Spike has done many terrible things, but I can't see him hurting Buffy like that." Giles listens even more intently now, hanging on every detail.

. "Yeah Giles, things are really hectic around here." A surge of desperate missing of the watcher floods her, pinging at her heart. "Maybe you should come back, I mean," she stutters unintelligibly for a few seconds and then, "we all really miss you Giles."

. "Yes, yes perhaps my leaving was a bad idea." Giles says mostly to himself, but still loud enough for her. "I don't suppose a visit would do too much damage on my part." He decides.

. "Oh Giles! Why can't you just come back to stay? We'd love to have you back, and you can even stay with me and Buffy and Dawn! It'll be great!" She squeals in hopeful excitement.

. "I'll think about it Willow, but I can't promise anything yet. Just let me get set myself in order here, and I'll be on a flight down there as soon as possible." He tells his beloved red haired friend, who is almost as close to a daughter to him as his slayer.

. "Ok Giles!" Willow squeals again, hurting his ears this time, and Giles chuckles at the new series of complaints coming from Xander.

. "Well then, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good bye Willow, and – Xander." He hands up the phone and leans back in his chair, hand rubbing his forehead. _So he's hurt my slayer…_

XXXXXXXXXX

"Buffy!" Dawn whined at her big sister, full of remorse. "I can't believe you even told Tara and not me! I'm your sister! And you _know _I would have been _so _ok with it!" She shook her head sadly.

. "I know Dawnie, I'm sorry. I was stupid, I should have told you." Buffy looks apologetically at teenager in front of her, and briefly remembers what it was like to have been that age.

. "But he, you know… Tried to rape you…" Dawn looks less happy now, remembering the real reason that Spike had come back. Though the news about her sister's "relationship" with Spike had excited her beyond her wildest imagination, the thought of her friend trying to – not that he hadn't succeeded – hurt her big sis is gnawing angrily at her. She wants to hit him. No, she wants to do more than that. She wants to _hurt _him. But Buffy had explained the situation to her, about his soul, and how he'd tried to kill himself only a few hours prior, et cetra et cetra, blah blah blah, Buffy could be a real hard head sometimes. _But that's what love does to people. _Dawn thought, nearly squealing in her excitement.

. "Anyways, I'm going to go check on Spike." Buffy gets up to go to the stairs, but Dawn jumps up – excitement renewed.

. "Wait Buffy, IDEA!" She exclaims. "Tonight, me, you, Spike, popcorn, movie, pizza!" She practically screams out her list of what would be a fun night, and gets six times more excited when Buffy smiles and nods approval.

. Before she goes upstairs though, she looks at Dawn and says, "Pick a movie then, nothing to chick flicky though, I'm not in the mood for a star crossed lover's romance." She shakes her head and takes the stairs slowly, heading up to where she'd hidden her vampire away in her room. When she gets to the door, her hand hesitates on the door knob. _Will he even be in there? He seemed so eager for the sun before…_ With dread filling her, she flings the door open and steps into the room that has minimal traces of light. And there he was, the bleach blonde lay on her bed, facing the far wall and one hand beneath the pillow. He flinches when she enters, but other than that remains still.

. Buffy sits down on the bed beside Spike, and holds his shoulder for balance while she bends down to kiss him gently on the cheek. His face contorts with pain and more tears leak from his eyes. After a brief moment of him wincing against her touch, she sighs and lays her head on his shoulder. _What, is she going to have another round at me? Make me suffer? Wouldn't doubt it. Stupid chit, stupid soul, stupid… _She kisses him again, on the shoulder now, and then goes back to resting against him. His jaw sets as he realizes that she might not be kissing him because of what they had – or might possibly still have – but rather because she feels sorry for him. But he doesn't need pity. He sits up with a growl and shakes her off, stalking to the other side of the room. When he turns to look at her, he sees the hurt look in her eyes, and the slight tremble of her lip and breaks yet again.

. "Baby I'm sorry." He whispers, quiet enough that she'd barely heard him, and slips onto the bed beside her. "I can't – I can't just…" He shakes his head; half wishing the words could just appear in front of her that way rather than him trying to actually form words. "I'm in love with you." His electric blue eyes bore into hers, burning the patterns of his face into her vision. "I can't just…" Again, he is lost for words. He rolls his eyes to the ceiling, feeling the sting of tears again, and curses.

. "Don't worry." She pulls his face back to look at her, and presses her lips against his; slowly and carefully, as gently as she can manage so that he can barely feel her at all. He lets her stay there for a second, neither of them moving, unwilling to break the much neglected contact. "Stay with me." She meant it as _never leave again,_ but Spike didn't have a clue as to what she'd meant by it. Instead of trying to figure it out though, he just stares at her, rememorizing her face. "Dawn wants to have a movie night." Buffy blurts so spontaneously that Spike's old mischievous grin creeps back to his face for a moment.

. "Yeah? Well, s'long as it's not one of those chick flicky stare crossed lover's romances." His lips twitch as another smile appears, and he lets her kiss him again, more fully this time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well now this is just too weird." Willow stares, jacket still on, purse still in hand, in the foyer of the Summers' home.

"I think it's sweet." Tara answers, staring just as still and clothed beside Willow.

"Well sure, it's sweet for a normal, human couple, but he's a _vampire_, and – and they aren't a couple!"

"I don't know Willow, I think that maybe we should give them a chance to – you know – try it out?"

They both turn from each other, and watch the scene going on in the living room. Spike is sitting on the floor leaning against the couch, with his head back on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy though, is curled in a ball against the arm of the couch, with one arm draped lazily down Spike's chest. Dawn has her head on Buffy's legs, and has wrapped both of her arms around Buffy's ankle, as if it were a teddy bear. The sight is truly endearing, and even Willow can't help but feel something a little bit less than hateful for the blonde vampire in her home. _They look like a family, _she thinks to herself.

Tara turns back into the foyer to find her jacket and purse's rightful places. Willow looks between her lover at the two snuggle buddies at the couch with pursed lips, and then follows Tara upstairs.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Spike wakes up, his mental clock tells him of how late it is in the day, perfectly sunny as well, and he's glad to find that the drapes have been pulled closed. Buffy is still snuggled up beside him, an arm wrapped lazily around his neck; even in her sleep she has a grip tight enough to suffocate a human. Good thing he doesn't have to breath. He moves his shoulders slightly, trying to turn to see her better.

"'Morning," she mumbles, eyes still closed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." He rests his chin on the couch, leaving his face only mere inches away from hers.

"Did you sleep on the floor the whole night?" Her brow pulls together slightly, and he smoothes the forced crease out with his thumb.

"Didn't leave your side love." Chuckling in self-pity, he shakes his head.

"You should have come up on the couch, or gotten in bed or something, or woke me up." Her tired voice is quiet, and it pulls a loving smile onto his face that he's glad she doesn't see.

"Want some breakfast?" He asks, still chuckling.

"No, too early." She yawns and snuggles against his shoulder.

"It's nearly noon, love." He whispers again her hair, jumping when she leaps up from the couch.

"What?" She squeals, looking at the digital clock on the side table. "ohmygod." She slurred the words into one. "Dawn's late for school. Again."

"Calm down," he said pulling her arm and tugging her against him. "It's Sunday." He can't help the laugh that flood through his lips, eyes crinkling and sparkling as he does.

"Sunday," she repeats, staring at him. And then becoming embarrassed, "oh," She smiles up at him through her eyelashes, a pretty blush coming to her cheeks.

**A/N: Yes, I realize that I made Tara alive here and not alive in the last chapter... Just go with it ok? I have no clue what I'm doing. And sorry this is so short, I'm lacking inspiration on what to write in this chapter. As usual, I didn't write down where this is going, so I forgot my WHOLE plot that I was writing. Oh well. I'll think of something... Eventually...**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

"Guys, I'm really not comfortable with the whole trusting Spike thing." Xander said for the millionth time that day. Everyone was over at the Summers' house, putting up all sorts of Christmas decorations even though they were about a month early.

"I don't want to hear it Xander."Buffy side, giving him an apologetic look. She knew he was trying to look out for her, she _had_ been almost raped by the man. He was just being a good friend… A good but very annoying friend that is.

He muttered something that sounded like a series of curses and resumed his work on stringing a very colourful garland above the threshold between the living room and foyer.

Buffy squeezed Spike's hand in encouragement, he was getting better. Though he no longer tried to bolt whenever someone paid him any notice, he still couldn't help the ragged pattern his breathing took on as it happened. And as it so happened, he'd heard all of what the carpenter had said, much as he assumed was intended.

"How are you doing?" Buffy asked her vampire softly, as to not draw attention to them.

"Well," he said with pursed lips as he regarded his work. "Lights keep falling down, not that they aren't all broken already."

She brushed off what he was saying with distaste. She didn't give a damn about the lights and he knew it. "I meant how are you feeling?" She raised an eyebrow to him.

His only answer was a grim smile, and then he went back to working on the lights. With a sigh, she gently took his arm and led him to the basement, telling the others that they were bringing up some more stuff to the already overly crowded upper floor.

"Talk to me." She whispered, leaning against the wall, and letting her hand slide down to where it held his arm to grasp his hand.

"Still hurts slayer." He whispered back, not looking at her. When he did, his eyes were full of pain. "I know what they're thinking when they look at me," he shook his head with a fake smile. A quick chuckle let her know that he was reaching breaking point. "It's disgust I see in their eyes Buffy. And I don't blame them." He looked down at their intertwined hands, and then back up to her face. "Kind of agree."

She watched him for a moment, hurt that he was hurting. Wrapping the fingers of her free hand in his hair, she pulled his mouth down to hers and kissed him. He let her deepen the kiss, he waited until her heart was speeding up to breaking point before he pulled away. He knew it wasn't fear of him, but still it bothered him. Why wasn't she afraid? She should have been.

It stung, to have him pull away. But the pain she sees in his burning expression tells all. "Spike," she pulled him closer to her again, this time only holding him against her. One arm wrapped around his waist, and the other held firmly to his hand as she leaned her head onto his chest. "I love you, you know I do." His muscles loosened his grip on her, startled that she'd said it, but he then held her tighter than ever.

"My girl?"He asked her in a small voice.

"My vampire," she replied, ignoring the intent of his questioning statement. "My Spike." She kissed his shoulder affectionately, and then let him pull back to kiss her fully.

Smiling against her he said "My Buffy, my beautiful Buffy." His lips brushed against hers while he spoke, letting her resume her kissing despite the words coming out of his mouth.

"Are you guys gonna be down there all day?" An irritated Xander called down the stairs.

With a light laugh, Buffy pulled away from him and grabbed a box of tree ornaments. "Let's rejoin the party." She said with a small smirk.

When they reach the top of the stairs, Buffy's internal blonde enjoys that the phone rings the second she passes it. "Take this in?" She asked Spike, handing him the cardboard box. Lifting the receiver, she put it between her ear and shoulder as she watched her friends work away in the living room. "Hello?" She asked.

"Buffy, it's me." A British voice told her.

"Oh, Giles, hey." Feeling a smile widening on her already happy face, her eyes twinkled madly.

"Buffy, I was just calling to let you know that I'm coming back to Sunnydale." He didn't sound entirely thrilled, but he didn't exactly sound upset either.

"Giles that's great!" She said with a fluttery bounce. Spike looked her way from his spot and smile warmly, giving into a slight laugh at the bouncy creature he loved so much.

"Yes, indeed, it is. I'll uh, I'll be on a plane in about a week. The seventh to be exact, I was wondering if you could possibly find me an apartment? If it isn't too much trouble. I hear you've had a lot on your hands."

Aside from Spike, she couldn't think of anything. Slayage had been lame lately, and her job wasn't exactly thrilling either. "No, no Giles, stay with us. Please?"

Giles heart warmed at the question that Willow had asked him before. "We'll talk Buffy," the smile was evident in his voice. "But not right now, I have to go."

"Oh, ok," she bit her lip, he didn't want to stay with her?

"I'll see you soon Buff." He promised her.

"I love you Giles." She proclaimed.

"yes, I love you as well Buffy." He chortled, and then hung up

Buffy floated into the living room as if floating on air. To the rest of the room though, she was bouncing up and down like a small child, squealing away. "Giles is coming back!" She exclaimed to everyone. "He'll be here in a week! Guys he's coming back!" She practically leapt into Spike's arms, which was just as shocking to him as it was to everyone else. Her legs came up around his waist and she hugged him, laughing in happiness.

"Glad you're happy, love." He kissed her cheek, loving the attention she'd given him, but at the same time worried about the others. He ignored them though, keeping his eyes and ears trained on her.

"This is so awesome!" She made her put him down, and then bounced around the room some more. She hadn't been this happy in a while, Spike mused thoughtfully. "Celebration is in order!" She squealed again and dragged Tara by the hand into the kitchen in search of some sort of sugary yummy goodness.


End file.
